So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
