youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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