That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
