i don't like sucking hair
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
