I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
