Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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