need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
