if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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