If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
