I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
