He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We need to rekindle our bromance
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
