okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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