i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
