I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
