woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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