And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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