I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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