I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
