I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
