dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
