does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
