Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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