are you still at the devil's house?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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