So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
