We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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