Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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