You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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