i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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