I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
