I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
