Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
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I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
