if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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