There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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