I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
