i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
