Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
