i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
