My cat gives me a boner
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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