I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
