I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
