I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
