Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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