I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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