she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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