I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
