I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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