at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
