i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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