I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
