You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
