he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
