Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
