I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
