mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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