Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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