dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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