Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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