The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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